The Vitals
Everything required to successfully arrive, party, and be returned to your loved ones in acceptable condition.
📍 Where
213 S Lumina Ave, Wrightsville Beach, NC 28480
Wrightsville Beach (Wilmington's beach). Lumina Ave is the beachfront strip — beach proximity: extremely yes.
Open in Maps🗓️ When
Thu Sept 24 to Sun Sept 27 (4 days, 3 nights)
Check-in is 4:00 PM Thursday. Do not arrive at 9 AM and stand in the driveway. Or do — the neighbors should get used to us early. Early arrival does not mean early check-in unless the host confirms it.
Checkout: TBD (confirming with host)
✈️ Getting There
Closest airport is Wilmington (ILM), about 15 minutes from the house. RDU (Raleigh-Durham) works too, just plan on 2 to 2.5 hours down I-40.
Flying into ILM and need a ride? Tell Steve in the group chat.
🎒 What to Bring
- Golf clubs (if you're playing Friday)
- Swimsuit, sunscreen, sandals
- Cash/Venmo for groceries, green fees & dinner
- A cooler if you've got one
- Your Mario Kart 64 muscle memory
🛒 Supplies Run
First official activity Thursday: a grocery run that is legally described as "groceries" but is, statistically speaking, beer. The run happens Thursday before the 4:00 PM check-in. If you have requests, get them on the spreadsheet before we go.
Rough targets: 12 to 16 cases of beer, 15 to 20 frozen pizzas, ice, Solo cups, trash bags, and hydration (water and electrolytes, per the Don't Die clause).
The Sacred SpreadsheetThe Schedule (Roughly)
"Roughly" is doing a lot of work in that sentence. Times are vibes. The beach is always open.
Thursday, Sept 24 — Arrival Day
Friday, Sept 25 — Golf Day
Saturday, Sept 26 — Beach Day
Sunday, Sept 27 — The Reckoning
The Games
Scoring system: 1 token per win. All tokens are equal. Tokens get counted at the end of the weekend and the winning team receives glory, which is non-transferable and has no cash value.
⛳ Golf
Friday. The main event for the sickos who brought clubs. Rankings below are official and legally binding. The size of your drive matters here and nowhere else.
🥅 Putter Ball
Justin's domain (Robert subs in if we need two). Like beer pong and mini golf had a child neither claims.
🥤 Flip Cup
Teams and bracket drawn from a hat, which is the fairest legal system humanity has produced.
🏓 Beer Pong
Also hat-drawn teams and bracket. House rules will be argued about for a minimum of 25 minutes before game one.
🌽 Cornhole
Boards supplied by Robert & Jamison. Bags fly, friendships end. Yes, it is called cornhole. No, we are not renaming it.
🏎️ Mario Kart 64
Todd brings the N64. Robert & Justin bring controllers. Rainbow Road settles all outstanding disputes.
🏈 CFB Pick 'Em
Saturday. Pick college football winners. Whoever loses had "a system."
Golf Power Rankings
Straight from the spreadsheet. Unranked golfers are wildcards.
| Rank | Golfer |
|---|---|
| 1 | Todd |
| 2 | Bernie |
| 3 | Kirk |
| 9 | Jamison |
| 10 | Robert |
| 11 | Justin |
| 12 | Zac |
| — | Eric Witdabigdick |
| — | Marci |
| — | Chan |
| — | Roman |
| — | Phil C |
Maybes: Josh, Disalvo, Whitmore — commit, cowards.
The Teams
Teams are decided by the only stat that matters: number of children produced. This is real. This is how we chose. Nobody has a better idea.
🍼 Team No Kids
Well-rested. Disposable income. Something to prove.
- Justin 🤵 (the groom)
- Steve (best man, webmaster, hero)
- Eric
- Kirk
- Phil
- Bernie
- TG
- Disalvo
👨👧👦 Team Dads (2+)
Tired. Efficient. Haven't slept since 2019 and it made them stronger.
- Chan
- Roman
- Zac
- Josh
- Jamison
- Robert
- Whitmore (leaving Sat AM — plays hard, leaves early)
- Stinnie
- Jorge
⚖️ Free Agents (exactly 1 kid)
Marci and Todd — trapped between worlds. One kid each. Will be assigned to balance the teams, or auctioned off, whichever is funnier.
FAQ
What are the dates?
Thursday, Sept 24 to Sunday, Sept 27, 2026. Four days, three nights, zero excuses.
Where do I fly into?
ILM (Wilmington) is closest, about 15 minutes from the house. RDU works too, but plan on 2 to 2.5 hours of driving down I-40.
What time can I get in?
4:00 PM Thursday. Not before. We asked.
What does "Don't Die" mean in the motto?
It's a legally non-binding safety guideline. Hydrate between beers, wear sunscreen, and do not attempt to prove anything about the ocean. The ocean has been undefeated for 4 billion years.
I don't golf. Am I useless on Friday?
Absolutely not — beach shift starts immediately. Someone has to hold down the house, ice the coolers, and heckle the golfers via group text.
How do I pay for my share?
Venmo the best man (Steve). Cost breakdown is on the spreadsheet. Bring extra cash for green fees and dinner. The groom pays for nothing — that's the whole point.
Can I bring a plus one?
Brother, this is a bachelor party.
What's with the eggplant menu button?
You know exactly what it is. Tap it.
What happens at the bachelor party...
...gets recorded on the scoreboard, because tokens must be counted. Everything else stays in Wilmington.